The bouncer in your head

You know him. He knows your name—but he’s kinda dumb.

Let's begin.

Back in the days when I used to go clubbing, I had these two effortlessly stylish friends—let’s call them Jane and Carl. They always managed to skip the line. No ID check, no waiting, no hassle. They just walked up, smiled, said a few words—and in they went as if the bouncer had been expecting them.

I’ve been thinking about that bouncer lately. Not the one at the club—the one in your head.

There’s this part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It’s basically a filter. Every second, you’re bombarded with information, thoughts, and sensations. Your RAS decides what gets through.

But here’s the twist: it doesn’t let in what’s true or even what’s helpful—it lets in what’s familiar.

• Used to self-doubt? It waves it in without a glance.
• Used to criticism or scarcity? That gets VIP treatment.
• Confidence? Joy? A sense of safety? Might not be on the list yet.

But the RAS isn’t evil. It’s just trained.

Repetitive thoughts become recognizable. So if you want different ones to get through, you don’t need to fight the bouncer—you need to start talking to him differently.

Here’s a trick I use: I’ve given my RAS a name—Charlie.

When Charlie gets stuck on an old idea (usually something familiar like “you’re probably going to fail”), I say, “I know that already. Can you tell me something new?”

You’d be amazed how quickly he adjusts. Turns out Charlie’s a pretty good listener. He just needed someone to interrupt the loop.

So maybe, don’t try to replace your thoughts with shinier ones. Just try catching Charlie once this week, and see if you can make him fumble the list at the rope.

Because once you start calling the shots, Charlie listens. And eventually, he figures out that you are the author of the list.